O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?: some people on here who know me well will also know my elder brother kevin. it kills me here to say that he passed away on sunday. i still don’t know what to say, what to feel. an overwhelming sense of devastation seems to have taken over everything.
he was four years older than me, our kev, proper big brother material. i’m the youngest of six children, we grew up in a three bedroom flat in speke. when your formative years are spent in that sort of close proximity, you can’t help being close. that bond that we forged when we were kids stays with us to this day. we never fall out, ever. and while we not live in other’s pockets any more, that feeling of togetherness never goes away. it illuminates my family, lights up the way we go, the way we are.
he was, if i’m honest, single handedly responsible for my morbid, weird obsession with music. he planted the seeds in his little brother, stood back and watched it flourish. he taught me that it’s not just something that you have a passing interest in, it’s something that you have to get right up to, see what it smells like, feel how it works, what makes it tick. we shared a bedroom together till we left home, sort of round the same time. he filled my head with all kinds of extraordinary mumbo jumbo and initiated me art of actually‘listening’ to music, as opposed to just playing it and getting on with other shit.
when he was in his mid-teens he became obsessed with northern soul. those often incredibly rare soul 45’s were a big things in the cities and smaller towns of northern england, in liverpool they didn’t seem to lane. a more progressive black music, funk and early disco we’re prevalent at that time. he was the only person i knew who was dedicated to that sound. he slavishly bought tunes from the back of blues and soul magazine -which he bought every week and i read cover to cover- often for exorbitant prices. he held down multiple shitty jobs just to pay for this luxury. to me, this wasn’t just a mad, time consuming, expensive hobby, this was heroism on a truly epic scale. something to be looked up to and revered with starry eyed wonder. indeed i can recall him paying an eye watering ten pounds plus for the record at the the top of this post at a time when new singles were 60/70p.
the thing i treasure the most from my own teenage years was not- and this seems like heresy right say- seeing the clash at eric’s or being in that place at that time, but was unpacking these bundles of soul singles he would unseen from blues and soul and putting then into three stacks of ‘good’, ‘not so good’ and ‘maybe’. i learned si much about music that i was blissfully unaware of and it inspired me to always have that thirst for the unknown. that just around the corner, unbeknownst to yourself there just might be the greatest tune you’re ever likely to hear in a month of sundays.
seems a bit odd, sitting here writing this. i genuinely can’t believe he’s gone. just spoke to me sister and we just realised there’s a massive gaping hole in the force. and no matter what, that hole will never get filled in. from here on in, there’s one less of us abd we’ll miss home till the end of time. a very funny man with a very funny joke for every occasion. that in itself is difficult to replace.
for ann, jimmy, maria and kathy, our love for each other will always save the day. every day.
to michael and kathryn and their families, just go towards that brilliant light. he’ll always be there. i love you all, i’m proud to have you all as my family.
right now i feel dead sad.
kevin connor – october 1957 – november 2021.
little brother is watching you forever. 💔
bernie@happening-things.com 